My fingers are too short for hand sex! Help!

Q: “My fingers are too short for hand sex! Help!”

A: Good news -- you don’t need long fingers to please a vulva-owning partner! Since most sexual pleasure comes from external stimulation or shallow internal stimulation, short, stubby fingers can still make your sweetheart scream your name. But you don’t have to use your fingers at all! Your palm, your mouth and sex toys can all lend a helping hand in the bedroom. Here are some ways you can get your partner off and give off Big Finger Energy while you’re doing it:

Get Cliterate

For vulva owners, most sexual pleasure comes from external stimulation. According to this study by The Journal of Sex and Marital Therapy, most people with vulvas require clitoral stimulation in order to reach orgasm. The clitoris has about 8,000 sensitive nerve endings -- that’s the greatest concentration of nerve endings in any part of the human body! Sensations in the clitoris spread throughout the entire pelvic area, which affects about 15,000 other nerve endings. In short, the clit is a magic button.

Well, it isn’t exactly a button. As artist Sophia Wallace said in her 2015 piece CLITERACY, “It’s an iceberg.” The part of the clit we can see just above the vaginal opening is the tip of that iceberg. Most of the clitoris lies underneath the skin. It’s shaped like a wishbone, with arms extending down either side of the vulva.

When you’re stimulating your partner’s clit, focus on the whole structure. You can use the palm of your hand, your thigh or your mouth to provide pressure all over the vulva. See? That doesn’t require you to use your fingers at all! Once your partner’s is warmed up and the visible portion of their clit can take a little more stimulation, use your tongue or the tip of one finger to make repeated strokes around or directly on the clit, depending on your partner’s preference. Those “fun size” fingers will be making magic in no time!

Start In the Shallow End

Maybe you’re an expert at external stimulation, but you’re still worried that your fingers are too short for internal thrusting. Chances are, you’re wrong. Even if your fingers are on the short side, you can probably still reach the most sensitive part of the vagina, which is only about two inches inside the front wall.

The “G-spot,” named after the German physician Ernst Gräfenberg, describes an erogenous zone where the internal portion of the clitoris and the urethral sponge meet. Stimulating this area can bring on intense pleasure and can even cause some people to squirt. To find a partner’s G spot, insert one of two fingers about two inches inside their vagina and curl them towards the front wall. If you find a spot that has a little more texture than the rest of the vaginal wall, you’ve found the G spot! Gently stroke this area with a “come hither” motion until you feel the tissue become firmer and engorged. Once the G spot is aroused, start applying more pressure. This area can take a lot of pressure, so if your short fingers are strong fingers, you’ll be a G spot-stimulating champion!

Go A Little Deeper

The back ⅔ of the vagina doesn’t have much sensitivity, but there are some special spots that might appreciate a little attention. The cervix, the entry point from the vagina to the uterus, sits at the very back of the vagina. Some people like to have this area stimulated, but do so gently! Pounding the cervix too hard can bruise the area, which can lead to uncomfortable cramping.

The position of the cervix changes at different points throughout the menstrual cycle, so you might be able to find it with your fingers just after your partner’s period ends. That’s when the cervix hangs lower in the vagina and has a firm, bulbous shape. During ovulation, about 14 days after menstruation ends, the cervix is much higher, so you’ll probably need a toy to reach it. You’ll find more information on toys in the next section.

The anterior fortex, or A spot, is another erogenous zone just in front of the cervix, about five inches inside the vagina. Like the G spot, the A spot enjoys repeated stroking in a “come hither” motion. While people don’t experience orgasms from A spot stimulation alone, arousing the A spot can increase sensation everywhere else and can even increase lubrication!

Open Your Toy Box

Even folks with impressively long fingers might have trouble reaching the cervix or the A spot. If you correctly curate your collection of penetrative toys, you’ll be pummeling your partner’s vagina in no time!

If your partner enjoys a hard thrusting and craves more girth than your fingers can offer, they’ll probably enjoy a dildo. Wet For Her offers a huge selection of dildos in varying shapes and sizes. Try using a dildo on your partner by holding it in your hand first -- you’ll get a better feel for the speed and pressure they enjoy, plus you’ll learn how to angle the toy. Make sure you use water-based lube, too! Silicone has a little more drag than human skin, so lube can make internal toys feel a lot more comfortable. Once you feel confident using the dildo in your hand, consider strapping it on! When you’re wearing a dildo in a harness, you can use your larger muscle groups to give your partner a good, hard thrusting.

Perhaps you want a toy that offers length while still letting you use the dexterity of your fingers. The Wet For Her finger extender is the perfect toy for you! This long, silicone toy fits on two of your fingers, allowing you to provide deep penetration with your hand.

If you employ any of the above toys and techniques, you’ll be thrusting away in no time. Good luck!